Showtime reality TV star Nick Hawk opened up to Men's Health about the behind the scenes of his show and life.
After four years in the Air Force, Hawk moved to southern California years ago to pursue a career in the entertainment business. He became a stripper and took many audition and improv classes, in hopes to boost his confidence. Not only did he succeed, he became a well known Reality TV Star on a real life dating show. What's more terrifying than knowing tens or hundreds of millions of people will be seeing your live date that allows adult content? Nick Hawk starred on 52 episodes across six seasons on "Gigolos." He recently sat down with Men’s Health to discuss his life, his livelihood, and upcoming book, "Nick Hawk’s 100 Kicks in the Ass: A Guide To Gaining Confidence & Reaching Your Full-Potential." Here is his story:
When I moved to California, things didn't work out well in the beginning, and I was very lost. I went from being a small fish in a small pond to a small fish in an ocean. I ran from my fears. I drank a lot. I did a lot of drugs. I struggled with severe anxiety and confidence issues and pretended I was broken, instead of owning all of the poor decisions I was making. I was living life filled with poison, chaos and distraction and I was just getting more lost.
I traveled from girlfriend to girlfriend to girlfriend, as most do, looking for love and answers in the wrong places. I was horrible with women. I could only speak to them when I was drunk and sloppy and of course I attracted what I was. The world is filled with sloppy people lacking guidance and being sloppy will never find it.
One day I finally had enough. I knew this couldn't be it. I saw other people being confident and I knew I could do that. I started to listen. I started to open up. I started to repent and take responsibility for the darkness I brought to the world and I had my first major awakening. I spent the day in tears. Tears of joy. Tears of understanding. Tears of "life now begins." It's time to take better care of myself and it's time to put in the work and effort that is needed for anyone to find happiness and success.
When I was 16, my 17 year old friend was a stripper and I had never admired and looked up to someone so much. He moved out on his own, bought a truck, a guitar and had blow every weekend. I couldn't talk to a girl and he STRIPPED DOWN AND DANCED FOR THEM?! I said one day...
The next thing I know I'm headlining a male review show as the cop act. "It seems Mrs. Wilson has violated penal code 6969. It looks like I'm going to have to go downtown. On You." After lip syncing these words, I would rip off my breakaway pants do a donkey kick to my hands and perform a lap dance. You have to throw it all in and go for it. Bite down and swing. You have to leave the fear behind. NO MATTER WHAT.
The next thing I know I'm playing an escort on a Reality TV Show. I made it. But now what? The stripping and the escort/companion bookings I was taking were not like the TV show. I had women coming to me with their problems. Hustler Magazine labeled me "Confidence Man" and I was a nutritional and fitness expert, but what do you do when someone, upon the first 10 seconds of meeting them says, "I emptied my 401K. I booked you for two weeks and then I'm going to kill myself. I want to go out with a bang."
Or what do you do when, you're not being paid for anything sexual, but the TV show suggests it and you don't ever want a woman to think they they can't even pay for it. Yes, I've done things I wish I didn't. But all of this made me want to help people. The more answers I was asked, the more answers I found. I dug inside of my soul. I was sick of gimmick self-help books. I wanted more. I sought truth. I wrote my book.
I started to see the impact truth had on people who were willing to listen. People who were willing to put work in and be honest about themselves. I was onto something, I knew I had to roll with it. There was nobody else teaching truth. I repelled those who were not ready. I started losing more followers than gaining. I could no longer feed lies or darkness. I knew there was a long road ahead but I decided that it would be I who will now lead the way.
I'm now the most successful and famous gigolo ever. My penis is insured for $1 million. I released one of the largest sex toy lines ever. I perform my music at the hottest Hollywood and Vegas clubs. I often get stopped for pictures. I have to go out with security. I've had back-to-back months of making over $70k. I take less than half of my requests. I sleep with very few clients. I'm very careful with my energy. I now offer more. I'm becoming a healer and guru. They now look up to me, instead of down at me like meat. I don't allow those looks anymore. I'm inspiring people to stop drinking and take better care of themselves, even when they book me to go out and party in Vegas. I need to do more, though. This is only the beginning, but how do I leave this life behind and where do I go?